Only ever rent a Renault in SA

In "Four Brothers", the baddy growls: "You don’t pay a whore for sex. You pay her to leave."

These days, the same applies to a Renault. You should only ever rent one for the ride. Then send it back. Because – and trust me on this – you don’t want to own one, despite the fact that any new Renault is a real driver’s treat,

with better engineering, ergonomics and appeal at more economical prices than any other make.

Take, for example, the suspension in the new Megane. It is truly magnifique. Even the old Megane, the one with that sexy booty like a black girl’s, still sets handling standards. It is a front-drive hatch that should, by all the laws of physics, understeer like a mule. Instead, throw her into a hairpin, modulate the power just so, and she’ll dip her nose and shake that ass to give you a soupčon of lift-off overstear, which is all you need to nail that perfect racing line through the turn.

For excellent value for money, go test drive the Logan sedan or Sandero SUV, both built by Eastern European welders on a one-size-fits-all platform. Sure, it sounds like a recipe for cheap’n nasty, but go load up a Logan with a young family. The massive boot will swallow all the kids’ stuff, the aircon will induce gooses bumps and the 1.6 engine will give you at least 10km from each litre – all for less than R113k.

So Renault really is a marvel. Here is a giant corporate where French accountants can get Japanese engineers to work with Romanian welders to give us hot hatches at good prices. Now can someone explain to me, (a guy that likes Renault so much, I’m paying for two), why cannot Renault South Africa get the front desk at most of their dealers in SA to work with the techies in the rear?

With the exception of Renault East Rand, you only have to spend 30 minutes in any Renault workshop to witness irate customers complaining about the work done – or more often, not done – while others simply faint from the cost.

As a staunch Renault-man, I used to defend their inept and expensive service, saying it’s the price you pay for buying a little exclusivity from the masses in Japanese cars, like Toyota, whose services cost a quarter of what Renault charges. I would swallow my anger about poor service, and once waited nine months for an aircon fan.

Since then, I’ve learned that Geely, a Chinese car maker with only about 3000 owners in South Africa, has a dedicated mechanic who will drive to any unhappy customer and then move heaven and earth to make that customer happy again. And Geely did this even while their local importer was effectively in liquidation!

As for waiting for parts, when Mahindra started selling their Indian bakkies in SA, they contracted Bearco to courier spares to any of their very few dealers, once delivering a heavy part in Cape Town within four hours after receiving a phone call at the warehouse in Jo'burg.

I am starting to froth at the pen now, so to conclude: next time you are in the market for a new car, go rent a Renault to experience the latest in automotive flair. Then go buy the more staid Toyota or even a Geely. They, at least, will care about you, their valued owner, until the end.