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| The Q5 is an urban prowler delux, but too pricey against more than 30 competitors, including the Q7 - if you are a man |
ALWYN VILJOEN explains why Audi Mom does not care a fig about the
Q5’s price handicap.
THE Witness has already criticised the turbo lag of
the 3,0 TDI and sung the praises of the smooth duel sequential gearbox and
unending power in the Audi Q5, so we won’t repeat it here.
One issue had, however, remained ignored like a silent fart in a
crowded lift. This is the issue of price, which is the Q5’s biggest handicap.
In the big print, the Q5 is averagely dear. In the small print,
things change a lot. How it works is best illustrated by an old joke in the car
industry.
When the manager of a German car maker retired, so the joke goes,
he bought a little farm and of course he had to get one of those dewy-eyed
Jersey cows for fresh milk and cream.
As luck would have it, the sign on the neighbouring farmer’s gate
read “Cows for sale: R3 000”.
Being the hardcore corporate type, he pressed the farmer for a
better price and had a quiet smirk when the farmer agreed to the R2 500 without
any haggling.
Came the day that he had to fetch his new cow, he arrived
chequebook in hand and asked whom the cheque should be made out to. The farmer
gave the details and then casually mentioned that the price was now R9 700
because the cow had a few extras.
“Extras? On a cow!?” exclaimed the retired German car
builder.
“Yap”, said the farmer, “R2 500 for the basic cow including
discount, R900 each for the non-slip self-growing keratin covers on each leg,
R600 for the full, genuine leather cover with natural follicle protection, R450
for the automatic fly sensing and swotting device on the tail end, and of course
the naturally-aspirated power plant runs on methane gas, which is extra at
R2 500. But because we value your custom, we threw in eyelashes for only R50 and
the organic fertiliser is totally free.”
The Audi Q5 we tested has the same problem as that dewy-eyed Jersey
cow.
Costing R637 500 in its socks, a few extras like a sun roof (R18
100) and off-road optic packages (R19 650) and Bluetooth phone online system
(R6 000) quickly amounted to the full-cow price of R727 400.
For a man, this kind of pricing strategy puts the otherwise sublime
Q5 on the same level as its equally eminent Q7; so rather buy that. The
fine-print add-ons also make the Q5 a lot more expensive than the hard-core
bundu bashers such as the Nissan Pathfinder 3.0 V6 dCi 4x4 automatic or the
Mitshubishi Pajero 3,8 GLS.
These 4x4 wagons have high-walled tyres instead of Audi’s “off-road
tyres” that cost R16 000, (not including the Marie biscuit spare), so rather
pick one of them for an adventurous lifestyle.
But Audi did not style the gorgeous lines of the Q range for
men.
The big soft roaders are aimed at the other two thirds of the
buying market, specifically, Audi Mom — a woman with natural curls and curves,
each of which has been effectively straightened, toned and edged just like the
Audi’s lines.
So Audi Mom doesn’t buy her Q5 to do serious bundu bashing
in.
That is a good thing, because Audi’s navigation system (R22 200)
does not do dirt tracks.
Audi Mom buys the Q5 because her hubby is an alien and she needs an
urban prowler, but won’t be seen dead in that Fortuner all those other women buy
and trust.
In the Q5, Audi Mom will also ride just high enough to smile down
at Landy Mom in her Victoria Beckham-designed Evogue.
And in this league, that alone is worth a whole herd of full-cow
extras.
