 |
| Afla's new Stelvio won't pass a driver's test, but it will whip any corner. |
ON my long list of memorable cars, the Alfa Romeo 159 JTD features quite prominently.
When Alfa released this diesel, many of the Alfista became apoplectic, calling this fine car the Devil’s work.
But despite the clatter from under the hood, that 159 JTD clung to the corners like temptation to a teenage mind and the short afternoon test drive that turned into a weekend’s road trip over all of Mpumalanga’s tarred passes is still talked about at parties.
This is because Alfa Romeo is best known for tempting impressionable young minds with gorgeous design and then turning them into lifelong addicts (the Alfista) with performance and handling that leaves one with a post-coital grin even after a milk-and-bread run.
Yes, we know all Alfas are as expensive as an Italian mistress to keep and often more prone to sulk, but the ride makes up for everything. The Stelvio Q4 is no exception. It is expensive at R817 900 (although at the time of print Alfa Romeo South Africa did list a special offer for R7 900 less).
The Stelvio competes against really good all-wheel-drive sport utility vehicles in this price range, viz Audi’s quick SQ5 quattro; BMW’s bellicose X3 Xdrive in either petrol or diesel; Jaguar’s fantastic F-Pace; the elegant Range Rover Evoque; and several of Mercedes-Benz’s gorgeous GLC models.
In the Alfa, this money gets you an integrated Brake System (IBS), Autonomous Emergency Braking (AEB) with pedestrian recognition and a full carbon fibre driveshaft.
This driveshaft and aluminium sheets for the bonnet, rear wings, engine and suspension, all help to limit the mass to 1 660kg.
Adding 64 litres of fuel and four people takes this mass to over two tons, but the 1 995 cc petrol makes 400 Nm, (yes, four hundred), from just 2 250 revs. This is the kind of ’taljun engineering that Ferruccio Lamborghini was known for. But instead of shoving a tractor’s clutch into a sportscar, as Lamborghini did, Alfa Romeo shoved a big diesel’s torque into a small petrol engine.
Those 400 Newtons are plenty for two tons and the engine can make this power at a rate of 206 kW. Think of it as a big guy bench-pressing too fast for the eye to follow. Bench pressers know to take things slow otherwise they will tear something and the same applies to making big power from small engines. Hence the jury is still out on how reliable Alfa’s new block will prove.
Meanwhile, it begs to be pushed into corners. In those corners, a ZF eight-speed automatic transmission sends power to the rear as standard, but the Q4 All-Wheel Drive System can (and does) turn push to pull in milliseconds to help whip the Stelvio around corners.
It’s called torque vectoring — and I hate it. This is because I date from an era where two-litre engines hardly had enough power to get one into trouble and reasonably fast reflexes were enough to manage the twisties.
The power that Alfa now wrings from the two-litre would not have been out of place on F1 tracks a decade ago and because none of us have the reflexes of F1 drivers, it is a very good thing that the Stelvio comes with digital reactions to get the big car around corners on a reasonably even keel.
All this pushing and pulling do, however, totally change the feel of the car as you get close to running out of talent and I freely confess it takes a driver with a bigger pair than mine to then just press down harder, trusting the computer to let the Stelvio give that corner its whippin’.
My problem is that the Stelvio and I, well... we don’t fully trust each other.
She started it, with her electronic braking system releasing her two-ton mass against an incline a second before the automatic stop-start engages, causing the car to roll a short distance down the incline, be it forwards or backwards.
In any driving test, this is an immediate fail.
Then there is the uninflated spare tyre in the back. Bearing in mind our “voetsek to no spare tyres” policy, I was grateful to note the Stelvio has a spare.
But the fact that it is a flat space saver meant that I did not trust my luck enough to take the Stelvio 18-inchers on any of my usual dirt road tests. I’ve had enough flat tyres already this year.
So, “no tick neither” in the explore box for the Stelvio then.
Normally, this is where we return to the list of competing cars and gently suggest you buy from the closest one that offers the best discount. (Its a buyers market, after all.) But here’s the thing, not even the Jag turns heads as does the Stelvio. It really is a looker.
You don’t get envious looks either, but looks of admiration as people pause to let you in so they can check the rear.
And then there is how the Stelvio feels almost alive as that electronic all-wheel drive system makes the chassis wriggle and squirm around the bends.
I suspect as one learns to trust the electronics, that little wiggle around the apex will have the same effect on your brain as a hammer to an aquarium — it will release a lot of indoor fins!
So, if you can live with turning off the automatic start-stop after starting the car and a spare tyre that is already flat, I recommend trusting the Stelvio.
You can even defend the purchase as a sensible family car, for behind those lovely curves it has all the boring, practical things like a 525-litre boot, fold down seats, ISO hooks for baby seats and a 12-Volt socket for the teens in the rear seat. And for those grocery-run days when you just want to get home, the tailgate opens and closes at the touch of a button, and the head lights stay on to illuminate your path at night before switching off.
The R810 000 special above includes a six-year or 100 000 km warranty and a three-year or 100 000 km maintenance plan.
