Taking a knife to gun fight, and winning

Despite being parked on the biggest axle-bender I could find, the
4x2 Tata Xenon drove off, (with a little help from gravity).

I’VE sung the praises of the Xenon for so long now that one auntie even accused of being “on that Indian dynasty’s payroll”.

While it is nice to be perceived in the same light as our President, my credit card shows neither Mr Tata, nor Mr Mahindra or even Mr Gupta want to pay me to say something nice about their companies

Thus, the points below are the unpaid facts of the matter, culled from a hot and dusty shootout of five affordable bakkies on the Hennops 4x4 trail in Gauteng’s wild west:

• The Xenon is the most power for the least money available in a workhorse bakkie in SA today.

• The 4x2 Xenon puts down that power in ways that will enable an experienced driver to keep up over most dry routes with 4x4 bakkies.

• The Xenon can fit a one-litre water bottle in its each door’s cup holder, a basic trick which no other bakkie can do.

• The Xenon’s resale value is so low you never hesitate to work it into the ground.

• Tata primarily sells steel, which means once you’ve pulled off all the hand-fitted plastic bits — and a lot of it DOES pull off — the Xenon’s chassis will likely outlive your business.

SO, WHAT’S THE CATCH THEN?

That auntie was one of many who are unhappy with the service received at her multi-franchise Tata dealer.

Which is why I — after doing my bit as the Xenon’s imbongi — I always warn people to first check out the dealer on the Hello Peter website.

The site will show that while most Tata dealers today bend over backwards for a sale, but not all are equally flexible.

Inside, the Xenon is “like, raff hey”, despite the taut design lines and a willing Dicor engine that outpaced the JMC Vigus, Mahindra Scorpio and GWM Steed.

PRETTY UNTIL SHE SMILES

Close inspection of the shiny trim shows flaws, like when a nice looking woman smiles to reveal blackened teeth.

But you can load in new-born lamb, blood, muck, and all without damage. And remember, for hundreds of years Japanese and Vietnamese wives blackened their teeth to show their fidelity …

A WHOLE LOT OF CHEAP POWER

Tata has two engines that makes the most power for the least money in the affordable bakkies league, viz. the Xenon 2.2 TD, (320 Nm) and the Xenon 3,0 (330 Nm).

The only other bakkies that come close to the Tata’s cheap Newtons are Mahindra’s 2,2 MHawk (290 Nm) and the GWM Steed5 2,4i (280 Nm).

But as any Hilux owner will point out, Newtons on the flywheel does not mean you can drive off on a freshly cut hayfield or muddy road.

These pulloffs are where the Toyota Hilux and Isuzu KB’s have traditionally ruled. They may make less power, but put most of it down.

After my day in the rough with the Xenon, I am convinced this rugged Indian can compete with any bakkie on slippery surfaces, but at a bargain price. For the cheapest Isuzu double cab 4x4 lists for almost R384k; while the cheapest 4x4 Hilux double cab costs almost R426k — the price of not one, but two 4x4 Tata Xenon doublecabs.

GO (ALMOST) ANYWHERE 4X2

Maybe it was because they knew what their Xenon would do, or maybe it was just their infamous indifferent service levels, but Tata’s head office sent a 4x2 Xenon to a 4x4 shoot out.

“Its like bringing a knife to a gun fight,” mumbled one of the editors on the shoot. Then, lo and behold, the 4x2 easily kept up with the 4x4s.

Sure, we avoided the roughest sections on the route, but at one point, I deliberately parked the Indian as high as I could on a huge axle bender, much to the mirth of the hacks from WegRy and Bakkie and Truck, who assured me that was as close as would ever get to being well and truly hung.

They stopped laughing when I hooked reverse and drove the Xenon off. (Okay, so I made sure gravity would aid my escape, but that is not cheating — that is experience.)

A former editor of SA’s foremost car magazine, who now pee-aars for a competing Chinese brand had his turn in the Tata and also managed to follow in the Indian wherever his Chinese 4x4 bakkie went. His silent frown said it all.

RESPECT, EARNED THE HARD WAY

It was grudging, it was unspoken and it was gradual, but at the end of a long and dusty shootout, all of us on that trial had revised upwards our preconceived notions the Xenon.

With a set of snow chains over the rear wheels to give extra grip.

I for one am convinced the Xenon 4x2 will go anywhere in a wet summer veld where an experienced driver have enough space to make up with momentum what the vehicle lacks in locked differentials.

Now if only all the Tata dealers can lift their service levels, there would be hope for this unsung hero in the bakkie world.

FIVE CHEAPEST 4X4 DOUBLE CABS:

1. Tata Xenon 3.0 TD 4x4: R192 995 (far right)

2. GWM Steed 5 2,4i Mpi 4x4: R239 900 (second from right)

3. Tata Xenon 2.2 TD L 4x4: R249 495 (like the 4x2 on the left)

4. Mahindra Scorpio 2.2 mHawk DE 4x4: R266 995 (not shown)

5. Tata Xenon XT 4x4: R279 495 (like the 4x2 on the left)