Die Koolkop Prinses en mense se harte

Sien jy die lig aan die einde van die goue pad deur die vreemde woud? 
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Eendag, lank lank gelede, was daar 'n koolkop wat 'n storie gehoor het. Sy was 'n prinses koolkop, soos mens kon sien met die pers sap in haar phloeme. Die storie wat sy gehoor het, was oor die olifante wat in erdwurms wegkruip.

Wat gebeur het, sien, was lat die Skepper per ongeluk van tevredegeit gesug het, net presies toe die Skepper die laaste fraiings grys klei tussen die hanne so van mekaar af gevryf het. Die Skepper was vol van tevredegeit want behalwe vir die laaste grys fraiings in die Skepper se palms se plooie, is al die grys klei in 'n lielike, groot, grys diere omskep. 

Die Skepper had eers bietjie rond gespeel met walvisse, toe raak die Skepper lekker laf met seekoeie, en somber met renosters, maar die olifante, het die Skepper gemeen, was die beste groot grys diere van hulle almal. Daai olifanteklei was dan ook die laaste vleksels grys klei wat die Skepper so tussen sy palms in fraiings gerol het.

En daai was die probleem sien, want toe die Skepper se asem so oor hulle spoel (met flitsende feetjie liggies en lang bloedrooi donderstrale -- die Skepper se asem werk mos anders as ons sinne), toe daai kwaai asem so oor hulle waai, word daai klein stukkies olifant lewendig!

Pasop vir olifante, die bulle raak gou kwaai.
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Hulle wou dadelik trompetter lat dit so oor die hele veld eggo; en namens hulle groot vriend, die Savanna grasveld, bome omstoot; en hulle groot sawwe voete lekker diep kielie met lang subsoniese golwe wat halfpad om die aarde kan gaan; en leeuwens van die kallers af wegjaag met flappende ore... 

Maar hulle was net piepklein fraiing stukkies grys klei. 

Daai eerste klein fraiings grys klei het hulself so half orent op die Skepper se palm opgebeur en in fyn stemmetjie gepleit, 'maak ons heel, maak ons heel'.

Maar die Skepper had slegte nuus. Op die hele Aarde was daar nêrens niks grys klei te kry om hulle klein lyfies in logge olifante te omskep nie. 

Maar kom ek maak julle 'n deal, het die Skepper vir die klein fraiings olifantjies gesê. Ek sal julle in die tuin sit, en dan tonnel julle oral rond en as julle enige grys klei kry, maak ek julle olifant-lywe klaar.

Van daai dag af stoot die blinde klein erdwurmpies elke aand 'n klein hopie klei bo die grond uit en vra vir die Skepper, 'Is die grys klei?'.

En hulle werk so hard om oor die hele aarde grys klei te soek, dat 'n slim oom Darwin erdwurms die Jirre se Ploegskare genoem het.

'n "Hoopie" klei deur 'n erdwurm opgestoot. 
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Die pers koolkop prinses was diep geraak deur die fraiings grys klei se storie en wou ook soos hulle wees -- nuttig, nie net 'n neuterige, peperige dis nie.

Nie dat sy neuterige peperige disse gedisrespekteer het nie. Dis net, om 'n koolkop te wees is so 'n kort, eenvoudige bestaan. Selfs al word jy sauerkraut of kimchi. Sy wou iets langer en belangriker met haar lewe doen as om mense gesond te hou.

Toe se die Skepper vir die koolkop prinses met haar pers phloeme, oukei, ek sê jou wat, jy sal mense se hart-toetser wees. As hulle jou oopsny en 'n lig aan die einde van 'n pad deur 'n vreemde woud sien, is hulle harte goet. As hulle egter Munch se "Die Skreeu" sien, moet hulle harte nog goed word.

...of lyk die koolkop heel bo meer soos die skildery van Edvard Munch vir jou? 

En van daai dag of tot nou, is pers koolkop prinsesse die litmus toets vir mense se harte.

En lyk my jy het joune geslaag.

En die fraiings grys klei? Wel, die erdwurms wat die regte soort klei kry, word bietjie grooter gemaak. Soos die dik pers erdwurms in KwaZulu-Natal. Of die groenes in die Karoo. Of die ellelanges in Doer Onder.

Danie Craven with giant Karoo earthworms near Steytlerville.
Source

 

Footsteps In The Museum

I've met all the people named below, though not in the Natural History Museum of Pietermaritzburg with those giant beetles, ants, praying mantes and that truly disturbing spider on the roof. One of them (the people, not the goggas) told me about the ghostly footsteps in an old building late at night. The rest is not his story -- but a ghost story of mine.

Pay attention to the timeline, the plot thickens around the fatefull day of 2 February 2022.

28Feb2023	2Feb2022	29Feb2023	2Feb2022
29Feb2023	5Sept2023	8Nov2023	9Nov2023

They all know me at the museum. 

“They” being the card-carrying members of the Night Shifters – the security staff; the cleaners; the odd student reading actual books in the musty back rooms to research a thesis. 

People who work nights at the museum are my type of people. We are a tribe of reclusive weirdos who do not judge each other. Not like the people you meet outside. That is why I only go outside when I am low on coffee beans.

The Turtle Still Moves

April 28 was when Terry Pratchett got born, which explains the date of this entry. Sir Terry then went on to spiral around our sun 66 times, shedding wry and tender wisdoms in the second half of his life in the manner of a dandelion exploding into wishes when a child blows on it. 

In his last decade Alzheimer's ate holes in his memories and while his story stopped for us Pratchetters, the rest of the uncaring world mostly moved on. 

"Mostly", because every so often, a new curious mind gets sucked into the wake of A'tuin (or something cosmically and no doubt comically similar happens) and these new fans then make wry posts trying to describe the magic that is in every Pratchett story, complain about the movie adaptions, or totally geek out on Fandom, the Wiki Lspace, or the OG Lspace.

What follows below is none of those. Instead, it is a little Disk World story that came to me in the middle of the night. 

About those beached whales…

Mystery surrounds the beaching of 11 long-finned pilot whales at Farewell Spit beach in New Zealand on February 11, 2017. Photo: Marty Melville.

Dear you,

I’m writing to explain about whales and zombies, the breathers and non-breathers, as it were.

About us zombies, you got three things right. Actually, make that three and a half things.

First, you are right that there are zombies. Yes, for realsies. 

How To Steal a City - review

Published in 2017 by Johathan Ball Publishers

Durban-born government fixer and author Crispian Olver is the kind of guy that does the right thing, even if it hurts.

He qualified as a medical doctor in South Africa before joining government in 1994 to help implement the ambitious aims of the Reconstruction and Development Programme as Manager Developing in the Office of then President Nelson Mandela.

Zuma's MK party dead by 2026?

In Africa, only the group survives through constant co-operation. Any planner needs to know Africa's law: Loners Get Eaten. 

Daimler electrics now in South Africa

Daimler's battery powered trucks have already impressed Australian fleet buyers with a 300 km range. 

Daimler is the latest company to launch electric trucks in South Africa.

The eCanter and eActros rigid have already impressed fleet buyers with their 300 km of "realistic range" in Australia, which has very similar road conditions to South Africa.

Daimler has been testing these trucks in South Africa since last year and now aims to sell these small electric trucks to companies who plan to balance the much higher upfront cost of an electric truck by paying a lot less for solar power than for diesel.